Top ~25~ Dad Jokes to Bribe Your Professors For Extra Credit With (i'm kidding pls don't do that)

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    S T R E S S  is setting in, folks.  Not gonna lie, this semester got REAL crazy REAL fast.  But what's even more painful than staying up til 3:30 in the morning working on homework, projects, and take-home exams?  Staying up til 3:30 in the morning reading dad jokes from the internet.

    Yep, I did that for you guys.  It is literally 3:32 a.m.  I need help.

    I hope this MEGA LIST of dad jokes gives you at least a single giggle, chortle, or chuckle.  And just remember, you don't have to be a dad to tell dad jokes.  It just means you're a faux pa.  (There, now it's a top 26 list.)

  1. I just got over my addiction with chocolate, marshmallows, and nuts.  I'm not going to lie, it was a rocky road.
  2. What country's capital is growing the fastest?  Ireland.  Every day it's Dublin.
  3. I was going to tell a time-travelling joke, but you didn't like it.
  4. What did the ocean say to the beach?  Nothing, it just waved.
  5. I was really angry at my friend Mark for stealing my dictionary.  I told him, "Mark, my words!"
  6. A termite walks into a bar and asks, "Is the bar tender here?"
  7. I'm afraid for the calendar....  Its days are numbered.
  8. My friend keeps saying, "Cheer up man, it could be worse--you could be stuck underground in a hole full of water."  I know he means well.
  9. What did the drummer call his twin daughters?  Anna one, Anna two!
  10. So what if I don't know what "Armageddon" means?  It's not the end of the world.
  11. I woke up this morning and forgot which side the sun rises from, then it dawned on me.
  12. If you see a robbery at an Apple Store, does that make you an iWitness?
  13. I bought some shoes from a drug dealer.  I don't know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day.
  14. I'm addicted to collecting vintage Beatles albums.  I need Help!
  15. If I got 50 cents for every failed math exam, I'd have $6.30 now.
  16. I'm not sure what the best part about living in Switzerland is, but the flag is a big plus.
  17. Where did the college-aged vampire like to shop?  Forever 21
  18. I was thinking about moving to Moscow, but there's no point Russian into things.
  19. To whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office, I will find you.  You have my Word!
  20. What rock group has four men that don't sing?  Mount Rushmore
  21. I wanted to go on a diet, but I feel like I have way too much on my plate right now.
  22. The rotation of earth really makes my day.
  23. Two cannibals are eating a clown.  One says to the other, "Does this taste funny to you?"
  24. I was just reminiscing about the beautiful herb garden I had when I was growing up.  Good thymes.
  25. A slice of apple pie is $2.50 in Jamaica and $3.00 in the Bahamas.  These are the pie rates of the Caribbean.

Which one was your favorite (or the one that made you cringe the most)?  Let us know in the comments!

And if you reallyyy feel like procrastinating that big paper (lookin' at you, HON 122 folks), here are some sites to acquire all your dad jokes from:

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